Meg and Harry: No Sale

In her infamous TV interview with Martin Bashir, Diana, Princess of Wales, describes seeing herself as "a good product that sits on a shelf and sells well, and people make a lot of money out of you."

All celebrities are products, to some extent. Media companies use them to draw attention and sell advertising; the public projects their own emotions onto them - desire, anger, fear, hope.

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex are products, too.

And proudly so, which is why they have put so much energy into their @SussexRoyal brand.

Their supporters (paid and unpaid) will tell you that they are a contemporary and cutting-edge product, shaking up the Royal Family and moving it into the future with meaningful lectures on environmentalism, multiculturalism, and girlpower.

But very few people want this product.

The British public definitely do not want this product, which they are nonetheless obligated to pay for. And the American public is mostly indifferent.

Nobody is buying, and Meghan is angry. 

Talking vs. listening

This week there were a number of comparisons between the Duke and Duchess of Cambridges' masterful visit to Pakistan and the Sussexes' ramshackle tour of South Africa last month.

William and Catherine focused on Pakistan's positives; the Sussexes drew attention to South Africa's many negatives.

Catherine's wardrobe was well-chosen and reflected the local culture without venturing into cosplay; Meghan wore spike heels and giant gong-like earrings to a mother and baby play group, where she made everyone sit on the floor.

Most importantly, William and Kate appeared to spend a lot of time listening to their hosts, while Meg and Harry were there to talk.

And talk and talk and talk, largely about themselves.

When they weren't talking about themselves, they were taking pictures of themselves for the @SussexRoyal Instagram account.

Or video of themselves, for the documentaries that will be broadcast in both Britian and the US.

And, of course, overshadowing the entire trip with a last-minute lawsuit about breach of privacy.

Basic sales theorey

There are many versions of Meg's cv online, but looking back at her twenty years or so of job history, it doesn't seem like she's ever worked as a salesperson.

That's not surprising, because every salesperson - whether they are peddling Girl Scout cookies, health and beauty services, or aircraft carriers - knows it's not about the talking.

It's about listening, not just to what your customer says but what they do not say - listening to their unsaid motivations, which are probably what's really driving the sale.

(One example: a young person in my circle was sent out recently to sell lottery tickets in front of a supermarket in support of her teen athletic club. My tip: the people you're approaching aren't buying a piece of paper, or even a chance on the prize. They're buying an image of themselves as the sort of person who will spend a few coins to support kids' sports, and perhaps revisiting a warm memory of themselves as a young athlete. That's the real product.)

Meg doesn't seem capable of thinking about other people's motivations - and probably doesn't care.

From her father to her first (second?) husband to Prince Harry, she's had a standard method of getting what she wants: throwing a raging tantrum until the browbeaten fellow finally gives in.

This is the tactic she is now trying on the British public.

Push and pitch and publicize

But Meg's angry letters and lawsuits and tearful interviews aren't working: they don't like her, and they're not giving in, at least not if the 26,000+ disparaging comments on a recent Daily Mail story can be believed.

You simply cannot sell a product people don't want.

You can pitch and push and publicize and perhaps generate a little interest, but it doesn't last. In the long run, people will go where their true interests and desires, said and unsaid, are taking them.

The whole setup reminds me of another publicity campaign, from the late 1990s, for Oprah Winfrey.

Oprah was at the peak of her power and influence then, and she had just produced and starred in a movie based on the Toni Morrison novel Beloved.

Morrison was and is a very popular author, and Oprah was everywhere promoting the film; on her own show, on other people's talk shows, on news segments, in the print media, everywhere. It had all the earmarks of a Sunshine Sachs PR carpet bombing, although I don't know if Ken Sunshine himself was involved.

But the movie was a failure, coming in fifth in the box office on its opening weekend, well behind "Bride of Chucky." (Winfrey has since described the episode as the worst moment of her career.)

You can't sell people something they don't want.

And right now, they don't want Meghan.