Meg's DIY Press Campaign: Doing it herself, and doing it badly

Have you ever seen a home whose owner attempted to "do it yourself" without the proper training?

Pipes that leak, floorboards with gaps, patterned wallpaper that doesn't match at the seams, ceiling fans hung so low that they give tall people a haircut.

As a media professional, that's what I see when I look at Meghan's press campaigns over the past ten days. Despite her vaunted "all-female team", from what I can see, this is a one-female team: Meghan herself.

She is engaged in DIY public relations, and she is doing a terrible job.

The pub trip that never was 

First, there was a story attributed to an unnamed "53 year old businessman" about how Meghan, Harry and Archificial had dined at the Rose & Crown pub in Winkfield, Berkshire, choosing a table inside on one of the hottest days of the year. (Does the Rose & Crown have air conditioning? It's not clear from the website.)

Anyway, the idea behind this planted story was apparently to show that Meg and Harry were just ordinary folk enjoying a pub lunch, a way to counteract their use of expensive private planes.

The 53-year-old-businessman, who for some reason was willing to share his age but not his name, described Archificial as extremely quiet and well-behaved during the two-hour lunch. "The little lad was as good as gold. I didn't hear him cry once while he was there," he said.

(Way to give a shout-out to the people who believe Archie is actually a high-end Latex doll. In every public appearance, Archie appears to be unnaturally quiet and unmoving.)

Unfortunately, not only had Harry and Meghan not dined at the pub, they had failed to arrange for the pub to lie for them when the press called. This resulted in a number of embarrassing retractions, including some from the Duchess' preferred media, like Vanity Fair and Harper's Bazaar.

A professional PR person would have had this all sewed up in advance. Find "The Roaring Donkey" or some other colorfully named pub that needs a bit of publicity, prepare the publican for an onslaught of media, and there you go.

Extra points if you can find either an extremely British pub owner - some round, rosy-cheeked type from Central Casting - or a diversity hire, perhaps a woman of African or Asian descent who now owns a traditional English pub.

Taking Archie to visit Diana's grave

Then there was the pathos-laden story that the pair would be taking little Archie to visit Diana's grave on the anniversary of her death.

Access to the grave is a tricky matter, since it is controlled by Diana's rather sleazy brother Earl Spencer, who reportedly refused her permission to live at the family home shortly before her death.

But even if Earl was willing to give Meg and Harry a chance to visit, what meaning could it possibly have to drag a 4-month-old out to an island to visit a grave?

Assuming Archificial is an actual baby in the Sussexes' actual custody, all he wants is affection, attention, good food and a nice place to sleep. He's not ready to start mining Diana's memory for his own benefit, although he might be in 20 years, particularly if he's raised by the grasping Meg.

There was a separate story planted about Meg and Harry putting a photo of Diana in Archie's nursery, which made only slightly more sense.

Until he's 6 or 7, Archie's won't be able to separate Princess Diana from Princess Jasmine, Princess Tiana, and every other beautiful-but-not-present female figure he sees images of.

A professional PR person might have warned Meg away from exploiting Diana's memory at a time when Meg herself is so unpopular, but if Meg insisted, they could have done something about setting one of Diana's possessions aside for Archie - a book, an artefact, something from Diana's beloved father - for him to appreciate when he was older.

Feeling homesick for Malibu

Finally, there was today's story in the Daily Mail, suggesting that Meghan and Harry are looking for a home in Malibu because she feels "homesick."

Homesick for Malibu? She never lived in Malibu; she grew up in Crenshaw. That's like someone who grew up in suburban Long Island "feeling homesick" for a Park Avenue penthouse.

Again, a talented PR person could have spun this better, by suggesting a more modest neighborhood and putting out the message that Meg and Harry were so tired of the cruel, cruel British media and the vicious British public that they were willing to downgrade to a smaller place in Meghan's hometown.

Nobody expects them to live in a walk-up flat in Silver Lake, but certainly they could have found a less pretentious and overpriced area than Malibu. Los Angeles peeps, what would you recommend? Santa Monica? Hancock Park?

The father story runs and runs

Meanwhile, the publicity about Meghan's estranged father Thomas runs and runs; on Sunday, Thomas confirmed that he had paid for Meg's university education and offered to show bank statements to prove it.  

That contradicts Meg's speech to a crowd of girls in Fiji, in which she claimed to have been forced by adversity to work her way through school and received substantial financial aid. 

A professional PR person would have shut this father and daughter story down a long time ago, or in the best case even prevented it from ever getting started.

As of September 2019, a tearful reunion photo with Archificial in attendance is long overdue. Meg seems to think she's keeping this as her ace in a hole when things get really bad - but things are already really bad. 

Not only is Meg widely disliked, people are losing interest in her story, as her descent down the "most read" columns of the Daily Express and People Magazine would indicate.

And her bad karma is starting to spread to Prince Harry, who is also less popular than he was a year ago, and the Royal Family as a whole, which is already under strain from Prince Andrew's misdeeds and Brexit. 

It would be useful to the Royals if the Sussexes were a plus now instead of a minus.

And for Meg: there's really no point in hiring an all-female team if you're going to ignore their advice and insist on doing things yourself - and doing them badly.